Bitch Sesh: it’s january 11, and no i am not doing any “challenges” this month

I love a good trend. TikTok trend, color trend, silhouette trend… but you know what trends I despise? Trends that take the fun out of life.

Dry January, Why?

Honestly though, why? For the gram? For the book of faces? I completely understand if after 2020 you were like, “I am giving my liver a break because she cannot take it anymore,” but there’s no need to announce it to the world none of us care. We’re all too busy watching the coup on BBC or CNN.

However, if you have decided to partake in Dry January because there is less social stigma around the fact that you want, no NEED, to stop drinking then I’d like to remind you that you don’t owe me, that obnoxious neighbor, your colleague or anyone else a reason as to why you don’t want to drink… they are your reasons and yours alone. Just remember that when the booze train comes screeching back into town February 1.

Veganuary

Coming in a close second to dry Jan is its good friend, a-month-of-meatless-surprise. Without question, the people I know (And I use “know” loosely here) who announce this : 1) Never cook anything, 2) are normally “intolerant” of something, 3) and are big fans of announcing their limited time Veganism to anyone who will listen. They are essentially the cross-fitters of food.

Most of my friends who follow a vegan lifestyle made no announcement on Facebook or Instagram. One day they just became vegan and all of us said, “OK, cool. More steak, yogurt, whatever, for me.” And that was the last we ever spoke about it.

“Insert number here” Fitness Challenge

YouTube, TikTok, Insta Reels, all awash with the fitness challenge. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good fitness challenge… honestly… so this is not to poo-poo all of them, just some.

Like the ones who, starting on January 1, have invaded my Insta-feed with limited time offers and promises that I too, can look like that bikini model on the restrictive 1000 calorie diet. They promise that within a 21 or 30 day period they’ll melt fat faster than FaceTune if only you buy their plan NOW. It’s bull shit and it annoys me.

Clean-eating, Clean Reset

Could there be anything sadder in life than a green juice smoothie from someone honestly pretending like it’s fucking ice cream?

I get that you may have over-indulged during the holiday season. That’s OK it happens. I used more than 2 kilos of butter and 3 kilos of flour making Christmas cookies… factor in heavy soups, stews, and full fat goodness and you’ve got the making of a few extra kilos hanging on for dear life. (Which I quite happily took on given the absolute nightmare of a year I had.)

Wanting to make a change and eat less of that artery-clogging goodness makes sense. Sometimes our bodies need green salads and less processed foods, but don’t call it clean eating. It’s literally just eating. Clean eating is the shit pro-ana people say… and last I checked, most of my readers are not pro-eating disorder.

Have you got a trend that annoys you? Let us know!

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